Today's Anime Crossover Experiment? Failed!
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: Excel Saga & Ranma Il Palazzo has a new mission for Agents Excel and Hyatt: recruit some ultrapowerful martial artists into the ranks of ACROSS! But is the Ranma crew really their best bet? Read and review, purty please
1. Il Palazzo Wants You!

Disclaimer: I own no characters from Excel Saga or Ranma 1/2. If I did, Ranma and Ukyo would be happily married by now, and Pedro would run ACROSS. However, this **plot** is MINE and if Nabeshin wants it, I'd better at least see my name on the end credits!

Author's Notes:

I realize that commas are completely absent from several of Excel's sentences. This is intentional; think about the way she talks and you'll understand.

Excel Saga is the bizarre masterpiece of Koshi Rikdo. It is the story of the many, many(mis)adventures of Excel Excel, a high school girl-turned secret agent for a terrorist group named ACROSS. With her partner, Hyatt (a Martian girl without an immune system), she constantly tries (and fails) to conquer F-City for her true love: the leader of ACROSS, Il Palazzo. The show has a sub-plot starring Pedro Domingo, a ghostly immigrant worker trying to get his life and his wife back. He is assisted in this by the Will of the Macrocosm (who Pedro calls "Ms. Wheel") and Nabeshin, one of the directors.

Ranma 1/2 is an awesome show by Rumiko Takahashi that stars Ranma Saotome, a martial artist who has been cursed to change into a girl when splashed by cold water. His father Genma, his rivals Ryoga and Mousse, and one of his fiancees (named Shampoo) are cursed to change into animals. Ranma stays at the home of another one of his fiancees, Akane Tendo. Hope that clears everything up a little.

_Prolouge:_

"HAAAAIIIIL IL PALAZZO!"

"Haaaiiil Il Palazzo!"

The two loyal henchmen (ok, "henchwomen") stood in the large hall where their master, Il Palazzo, always had them debrief him. As always, he was sitting on his throne, expecting that they had failed him, and as always, they had delivered!

"Lord Glorious Il Palazzo," started Excel Excel, "Hyatt and I have searched high and low for the legendary Livonian gila monster which you planned to mutate to take over the city but regrettably as has so often happened before we have barely come short of our goal and now to express her regret Excel will not only happily fall down the hole beneath her but she will donate today's pay to hire someone to make it deeper!"

The silver-haired future tyrant smiled slightly and pushed his glasses up a little. "There will be no need for that, Agent Excel. Your failure was a disappointment, but perhaps braving the scorching deserts of Latvia _was_ a little too much to ask. Instead of self-punishment, I want you to work on a new assignment. I truly believe that this one may finally allow us to conquer the city, and what's better, it's only a few miles away!"

"Oooohhh! What might it be, Lord Il Palazzo?" asked Hyatt.

"Well, Agent Hyatt," replied Il Palazzo, "it came to my attention that house insurance in the Nerima district of Tokyo was unusually high. As it turns out, the reason for this is that there is a large concentration of super-powered martial artists in the area, particularly around Furinkan High School. I want the two of you to travel to the area and enlist as many of them as you can into the ranks of ACROSS."

"Yes, sir, Lord Il Palazzo! Excel and Hyatt will not fail you this time! We will enlist them in the droves and tons and thousands and millions! We'll get on it right away!" shouted a rejuvenated Excel.

"Good," he replied, "I'll look forward to your success!"

"Err... Lord Il Palazzo? Might your lowly Excel ask why your excellency would be looking for marital artists for? Excel would've thought that you could find a matchmaker in the yellow pages and by the way did I mention that I'm very available?"

Slightly irritated, he mumbled "Martial artists, not marital artists."

With that, he pulled a little cord dangling from the ceiling and sent Excel merrily on her way (those familiar with the series know that this means falling down a nearly bottomless hole). "_Can she really do it?_" he wondered as Hyatt hopped in after her. "_Well, she IS my most experienced operative. I'm sure she can pull it off if she puts her mind to it. I just hope that Agent Excel won't do anything rash, or that Agent Hyatt won't kick the bucket again..._

_Errr, perhaps I'd better ready a backup plan._"

END OF CHAPTER 1

**IT HAS BEGUN!!!** Or whatever. I realize that the story hasn't developed much past "concept" at this point, but please review what you see here. I'm one of those people who despise unfinished fanfics, so rest assured, there WILL be more (same Baron-time, same Baron-channel!). Again, thanks for reading, and please review.


	2. Recruit All Fighters!

It was a bright, sunny day in the greater Tokyo area, and Ranma and Genma Saotome were making the most of it. They had been up training since sunrise; Genma's martial arts gimmick-of-the-day was martial arts log-rolling in the Tendo fishpond.

"Stay on your toes, boy! Unless you can learn Anything-Goes Martial Arts multi-tasking, you'll never be able to fight off a gang of ninjas!" Genma barked, as he started rolling the log and throwing punches at his pigtailed son.

"Shut up, old man! As many weird things as we have in this neighborhood, a gang of ninjas isn't on the list!" replied Ranma, trying hard to keep his footing.

"Foolish boy! That was just an example! Reap the fruits of your disobedience! Hyaaaaaah!" Genma launched himself toward Ranma with a flying kick, but to his shock, Ranma dodged!

Ranma grinned as he watched his father fly through the air past him and toward the cold, cold water.

"Guess it's panda time for you, eh, old man?"

"Maybe, but I know a cute little redhead who will be joining me!" he replied, and grabbed onto his son's pigtail.

With a shout, both men fell into the fish pond. A few seconds later, a dripping wet giant panda and a petite, bosomy girl sloshed their way out of the pond.

"Geez, Pop! That was a cheap shot, even for you!" the girl grumbled.

The panda held up a sign that read "A MARTIAL ARTIST MUST BE READY FOR ANYTHING! LIKE THIS!" He promply broke the sign over his son's (now daughter's) noggin.

A large bump came up, and steam started pouring off of Ranma's head. Her father, once again, didn't know when to quit.

Ranma shook for a second as she did her best to maintain control, then suddenly cooled down. "I think I understand the lesson, old man..." she carelessly remarked.

_"At last I've made some progress with the boy!"_ Genma thought to himself.

"HYYYYAAAAHHH!" With one mother of a roundhouse kick, she sent her surprised panda Pop flying through the air, over the pond, and through the wall surrounding the Tendo residence.

"In other words, a true martial artist should be able to avoid something like that! Suck on that, Pops! Bwahahahahahaha!" she gloated.

To her surprise, however, not only Genma crawled out of the rubble, but also her rivals Ryoga Hibiki and Mousse; the three of them looked pretty ticked!

"Geh! What are you two doing here?" Ranma gulped as she took a step backward.

Mousse's magician's robe was covered in soup and noodles. "You fiend! I was running a delivery for Shampoo! This was the first time she trusted me to do the job, and now look what you've done to the ramen, not to mention my cloak!!!" He pulled out his trademark throwing knives menacingly.

Ryoga had tears brimming in his eyes as he clutched a broken porcelain doll in his hands. "I bought this doll as a gift for Akane in Hokkaido. I've wandered all over Japan, but managed to keep it safe just so I can see the look on her face when I gave it to her... YOU'VE JUST RUINED THAT!!!" His eyes filled with fire, drying up his tears and producing a pretty damn scary effect.

"LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE IN IT PRETTY DEEP THIS TIME, BOY! THIS'LL TEACH YOU TO HIT YOUR FATHER!" The panda gloated at his son's predicament.

"Don't think you're off the hook yet, Mr. Saotome," Ryoga glowered. "You're the one who actually broke Akane's doll and Mousse's delivery when you flew through the wall."

"GULP!" read the sign.

-----------

Meanwhile, a few blocks away, the two ACROSS agents were making their way toward their goal...sort of. Actually, they were taking a break at the front gate of Furinkan High School.

"Hatchan," Excel asked sheepishly, "do you happen to remember if Lord Il Palazzo happened to say exactly where in Nerima these guys are because all Excel can remember is his saying something about Furinkan high school before she fell down the pit but there have got to be several thousand people in the neighborhood around this place!"

"That is true, Senior," Hyatt replied. "I do not recall him saying their exact location. Hmm..." All of the sudden her eyes lit up and a big smile came over her face. "Oh! I know! Perhaps we should split up in order to cover more ground!"

"Great idea, Hatchan! Between your quiet 'observer' approach and Excel's sophisticated deduction skills, we're sure to round up lots of these martial artists!"

"So glad you think so. In that case, I shall go this way, you shall go that way, and we will meet here again at 6:00 PM. Is that okay? Senior?"

Hyatt looked in the direction where Excel had been standing, but as far as the eye could see were only rubble and teenaged-girl-shaped holes in walls.

"Senior is always so enthusiastic. I must not let her down." With that, Hyatt turned and started walking in the opposite direction and toward trouble.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Oho! The plot thickens! So does my oatmeal. Mmmmmm, oatmeal.

Anyway, I hope you like it thus far. Although things could change, I doubt this thing will run over 5 chapters; we both have better things to do. Please review, or That Man will make you wish you had!


	3. A Series of Unfortunate Occurances

"Uggghhhh... What happened?"

Pedro Domingo slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. Suddenly he realized that he was in the middle of the street in a middle-class neighborhood somewhere.

"Hmmm... How strange. The last thing Pedro remembers is Miss Will telling him that she had a clue to the whereabouts of his sexy wife, and then everything went black! Huh? What's this?"

He had just noticed a note sitting beside him on the street. He picked it up and read it:

"Dear Mr. P,

I have discovered someone who says that he may know where your wife is. I have made arrangements for him to meet you here. He's a 2-feet-tall little old man with a moustache.

-Sincerely, The Will of the Macrocosm"

"Hooray!" yelled Pedro. "At last Pedro will be reunited with his sexy wife! I am coming, mi corazon!"

All of the sudden Pedro saw a blur shooting toward him down the street. Just when he thought there was no way to avoid a collision, the blur came to a halt, revealing a tiny little fellow with a huge green bag on his back.

"Hola, friend! The name's Happosai; the Great Will told me to meet you here." He eagerly looked left and right. "So, where's this sexy wife I hear so much about?"

"Wha-?" gasped Pedro, "But I thought YOU knew where she was?!"

"Nope. All I heard was 'sexy wife'; it was pretty much 'blah, blah, blah' after that." All of the sudden a huge cloud of dust appeared at the end of the street, and Happosai looked agitated.

"Well, young man, good luck finding her! See you later; I must protect my collection at all costs!!!"

With that, he left the bewildered Pedro standing in the street. Pedro turned back toward the cloud and saw (to his horror) that it was an angry mob of women with brooms and shovels! They were all yelling at once:

"Where is that little pervert? How dare he steal our panties?! Hey, he was talking to that guy! He must be in on it too!"

As the mob closed in, Pedro said the only thing that came to his mind.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-----------

On the other side of town, Hyatt was walking the streets in search of the martial artists in question, but with no luck.

"Sigh Perhaps Lord Il Palazzo was mistaken about these fighters' whereabouts. I only hope that Senior is having better luck."

All of the sudden, she saw what looked like a twister of human bodies slowly making its way down the street!

"Oh? What could that be? It looks like one of those tasmanian devils from Lord Il Palazzo's comic books."

All of the sudden, a red-haired girl with a pigtail was thrown violently from the tornado and toward Hyatt. She slid along the ground at blinding speed, but friction and her desperate clawing at the ground managed to slow her somewhat. Still, she was still going at a pretty good clip when she plowed into Hyatt's legs, knocking her off her feet.

Noticing that an innocent bystander had gotten involved, the tornado suddenly came to a standstill. Genma(who had mangaged to transform back into a human again somewhere along the way) stopped pummeling Mousse, Mousse stopped choking Ryoga, and Ryoga stopped kicking Genma.

Quickly hopping to her feet, Ranma hurried over to where Hyatt was sprawled out on the pavement.

"Gee, lady, I'm really sorry about that! Are you okay? Lady?"

Ranma suddenly stopped in her tracks in horror. The others soon realized why.

"Oh my... I think I'm gonna puke..."

Hyatt lay on the sidewalk in a pool of blood, her eyes wide open but not seeming to look at anything. Shaking like a leaf and fighting the instinct to turn and run, Ranma slowly leaned down and felt her wrist. Ranma then turned toward her friends, her face solid white.

"Guys...she's dead!"

END OF CHAPTER 3

Egad! What a cliff-hanger! Of course, we all know about Hyatt's little life/death oddity, but Ranma and Co. sure don't. I could tell them about it, but where's the fun in that?

Will Pedro ever be reunited with his sexy wife? Will Il Palazzo ever conquer the city? Who is Ranma going to marry? Beats me. However, I do know the answer to this one: With Excel, Hyatt, Pedro, and Ranma and his friends in the same town, will further shenanigans ensue?

You bet your ani (plural of "anus")! Please review; it pleases me so.


	4. Operation: Stay out of Jail!

"Guys...she's dead!"

All the other three martial artists could do was gape open-mouthed. There was a person dead on the ground in front of them, and it had indirectly been their fault. For at least a full minute nobody said a word; finally Genma broke the silence.

"Well, boy, it looks like it's off to the hoosecow with you."

"WHAT?!" Ranma nearly screamed.

"Well, let's take a look here," Genma replied, "there's a dead girl in the street here. Next to her is Ranma Saotome, a known thug and hooligan. He plowed into her a few seconds earlier, has his fingerprints on her, and even has some of her blood on his shirt."

"Looks like a pretty clear guilty verdict to me," agreed Mousse.

"What a tough break, eh, Ranma?" grinned Ryoga.

"Don't worry, boy. I'll be sure to put in a good word for you at the trial."

Ranma was turning nearly as red as her hair and shirt, but then she had one of those moments of strategic inspiration that had earned her the nickname "the Comeback Kid."

"Well," she remarked, "if I'm going to jail anyway, I guess I might as well keep this 1,000,000 yen in her purse."

That brought Genma, Ryoga, and Mousse running. While they weren't "grave robber" types, the thought of that much money had definitely aroused their curiosity. As they leaned over to get a closer look, Ranma made her move.

"Katchu tenshin amaguriken!!!"

(NOTE: This roughly translates to "chestnut fist"; it's a super-fast-punching technique of Ranma's.)

Ranma's hands started moving faster than the eyes could see, and before the others knew what was going on, the deed was done. Shock filled the faces of Mousse, Ryoga, and Genma as they looked down at their hands and found them covered in blood. They then grimaced when they looked down and saw their red handprints all over Hyatt's corpse.

Ranma was smiling, but it was a grim smile without joy.

"Now if I go down, I'm not going down alone. So what do you say guys? Do you want to spend a couple of years in the big house, or are you going to help me?"

Ryoga's earlier cockiness had melted away and was now replaced by a broken, dejected spirit.

"Okay, Saotome. I'll help you. But how in the world are we supposed to get rid of this body?"

Genma cleared his throat. "Ahem. I just might have an idea..."

-------------

Excel was completely and totally exhausted. She had been plowing through walls and other assorted private property all day, but hadn't come across a single super-strong martial artist.

"Ex...Excel...is...bushed! I wonder if Hatchan had any better luck?" she panted.

Just then, a restaurant caught her eye. The place was a little neighborhood restaurant, and from the crowd she saw inside, a popular one too.

"Cat Cafe...Well, Excel IS getting really hungry, and it's still a few hours until I have to meet Hatchan. Besides, a little break might be just the thing to restore my energy so the search can continue."

--------------

Little did Excel know, the unhealthy lass with whom she had a rendevous was in a trash bag in the kitchen of that very same restaurant. Genma's idea, like most of his ideas, was turning out to be a big flop.

"What do you mean, 'Chinese Mafia'?!" Cologne shouted.

(ANOTHER NOTE: Cologne is a little old granny who is Shampoo's great-grandmother, the Cat Cafe's owner, and a skilled martial arts master.)

"You mean you're not hooked up with them?" Genma asked, scratching his head. "But I always thought you were a bit of a shady character...What about those men in white suits that I see going in and out the back door?"

"THOSE ARE THE DELIVERY BOYS WITH MY INGREDIENTS, YOU BLOCKHEAD!!!"

Ranma (once again male) realized that this plan was going nowhere. "Give it a rest, Pop!" he muttered. "We're just going to have to figure out some other way of doing this."

Genma shook his head violently. "No, boy, we can't just keep dragging this body all over town! We've got to get rid of it here!" Insanity filled his eyes as rational thought blew out the window. Genma started rummaging through the cabinets and pulled out a large pot and a knife!

"Geheheheheheh! I know! Let's put her in a stew! Bluhuhuhuhuhhuhuhuhuhuh!"

Cologne thwacked Genma over the head with her cane, knocking him out cold. Then she turned toward Ranma and spoke softly but sternly.

"Future son-in-law, I feel sorry for you, I really do, but this is YOUR problem. I won't risk Shampoo's, the Cat Cafe's, or my reputation by disposing bodies for you. However, it might be best for you to leave your father here until the deed is done; he isn't holding up too well under the pressure."

"Thanks anyway, granny," Ranma sighed. Turning toward Ryoga and Mousse, he said "Well guys, any bright ideas?"

Ryoga said, "I'd say our best bet is to just bury her in the vacant lot. There's a storm brewing outside; I doubt anyone would even be outside to see us do it."

"That's as good a plan as any, I guess," agreed Mousse.

"Ok, then; let's go..." Ranma muttered. With heavy hearts, the three picked up the bag and walked out the door.

--------------

Meanwhile...

Shampoo looked like a wreck. Her beautiful purple hair was all dissheveled, and in her hand she held a note pad that was covered in scribbled-out orders from cover to back. Her training as a martial artist had prepared her for pretty much whatever the restaurant business could throw at her, but she'd never seen ANYTHING like this before...

"Yeah I think I'll have the Peking duck but then again the General Tso's chicken sounds so good and to complicate matters so does the broccoli beef and that's not even mentioning the mouth-watering succulentness of sweet and sour pork! Hmmm... Gimme the fried rice, but without the rice, eggs, and fried stuff. Wait! Make that dumplings! Or how about 1,000 fortune cookies! Wait! No... How about-"

"SHUT UP AND MAKE UP YOU MIND, STUPID FAST-TALK GIRL!!!!!!!"

END OF CHAPTER 4

What a tangled web we weave, when we try to lie and stuff. Is the suspense killing you? Hey, why are you laughing?! An anime character is DEAD, for crying out loud!

_Oh well, maybe they're laughing at the comedy bits contained herein._

This quack experimental crossover draws to its exciting conclusion in the next (and final) Excel-ent and Ran-tastic chapter!

Please review. In the words of Walter Durnes of _Hellsing_, "to do otherwise would be entirely unconscienceable."


	5. Oh, the Horror!

"Keep digging, guys!" Ranma yelled. The three young marial artists were in the vacant lot, and that storm Ryoga had mentioned was coming with a vengance. Although it was only 6:30, the sky was already pitch-black, and what little light there was came from the frequent flashes of lightning overhead. The creepy monster-movie weather was rounded out by an unusually strong, cold wind.

"We've got to hurry," grunted Mousse as he shoveled another pile of dirt out of the hole, "or the rain will bring our hole-digging manpower down to one."

Turning toward Ranma, Ryoga said "Ranma, we've just about finished this hole. Why don't you go stand guard? We don't want to get caught at this point in the game."

"Right! I'm on it!"

While Ranma ran over to the edge of the lot to begin guard duty, Mousse and Ryoga began digging the final foot of the makeshift grave. By this point, the storm was raging full-swing. Lightning bolts flashed through the sky no more than five seconds apart, and the wind was making nearby trees creak as they tried to hold their ground against the tempest.

"I...I just can't believe we're doing this..." muttered Mousse.

"Look, I'm not too happy about it, either! Still, what choice did we have? It was either this or soup," Ryoga said glumly.

"Ugh...human soup. What was Mr. Saotome thinking?! Not only is that cannibalism, but it probably tastes nasty, like dog or something..." Mousse grimaced.

"Actually, dog is said to be very delicious and nutritious."

Mousse angrily turned to Ryoga and said "Look, you! This is no time for morbid jokes!!! Let's just get this done!"

Confusion was written all over Ryoga's face. "What? I didn't say anything!" he protested.

"Don't lie to me!" Mousse yelled. "You just made some sick crack about dogs being tasty, and quite frankly, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR WEIRD JOKES RIGHT NOW!"

Turning red, Ryoga screamed back, "I TELL YOU, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!"

"Ryoga," Mousse said in a low growl, "I know I heard something, and there are only three people here: you, me, and the dead girl! I sure hope you don't think that I'm stupid enough to think it was--"

Mousse pointed up toward the bag, but his voice failed him when his eyes had followed his fingers.

"Guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh-guh...!"

Ryoga was still looking at Mousse, and couldn't figure out what was making him revert to baby-talk.

"Hey, Mousse, are you okay? You look like you've just seen a..."

Ryoga looked up toward the bag; what he saw almost made his heart jump out of his body. The bag was moving!!! As he watched in horror, a hole was torn in the plastic bag from the inside, and an arm soon emerged from the hole. In a few more seconds, Hyatt had freed herself from the bag. The rain began to fall as she stepped out and looked around, wondering what had happened since she had "bought the farm." Her eyes settled on the two boys standing in the hole, holding shovels, their clothes muddy and their faces stark white.

"Oh, hello!" Hyatt said, smiling sweetly at them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

--------------

Excel dusted herself off as she walked down the dark street.

"That waitress sure was testy! Couldn't even take a simple order...Ack!"

Excel slid on something and fell on her face on the pavement.

"What the...blood?"

There was a small trail of it, leading away from the restaurant and to the east (apparently the trash bag had a hole in it somewhere).

"Call it a wild guess, but something tells me Hatchan came this way!" she grinned.

-------------

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The blood-curdling shrieks made Ranma jump a full 5 feet into the air!

"What the--?! That sounded like Ryoga and Mousse!"

He quickly ran through the rain toward the corner of the lot where his rivals had been working. Ranma felt himself changing into "herself", but this was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"Guys, what's wrong? I thought I heard--"

Ranma came to a screeching halt as the lighting revealed the standing figure of the girl whose corpse they had been carrying around all afternoon!!!

Ranma ran backward as fast as she possibly could, but was brought to a sudden stop by a wall. The pig and duck that had been Ryoga and Mousse were cowering next to her legs, finding them poor shelter. Ranma's eyes were bugging out of her head as the silent figure moved ever closer.

Finally, Hyatt stopped about three feet away. Ranma and the animals trying to hide behind her held their breath as they waited to see what this zombie was about to do. She opened her mouth...(Ranma:_"Oh, man! This is the part where she eats us!!!"_)

"Um... Excuse, me, but don't you think we should go indoors? A person could catch their death in this weather!"

With that anticlimax, the boys' nerves had had all they could take. The three passed out and fell to the ground.

"Oh, my..."

----------------

When Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse woke up, they were human (and male) again and back inside the Cat Cafe. It was after closing time, and the restaurant was empty except for the three boys, Shampoo, Cologne, Genma (still out cold), and Excel Excel.

"OOOOOOHHHHH! WE'RE ALIVE!!!" they yelled happily.

Just then, Hyatt walked in. "Oh, so you are awake! We were all worried sick about you."

The three tried to make a beeline for the door, but Cologne and Shampoo ran to block their exit. Excel quickly (really quickly) explained to them Hyatt's strange condition: dying (usually in a gory fashion) for no particular reason, only to rise again in a few hours. Although it was a bit hard to swallow, the three soon believed her, in part because it explained everything perfectly and in part because bizzare happenings were old hat for this bunch.

At the end of her rant, Excel finished with "and so that's that, and by the way I don't suppose any of you know any super-powered martial artists that would be looking for a job in the field of world or at least city conquest in the name of arrogance and the greater good?"

"Um, no, I can't say I know anyone like that..." Ranma mumbled. Although the entire room was filled with super-strong fighters, it wasn't a complete fib since none of them had conquest on the brain.

Hyatt and Excel frowned, then sadly turned toward each other.

"Well, Hatchan," Excel said with disappointment dripping from her voice, "it looks like we failed yet another mission."

"It seems so, Senior..." Hyatt sighed.

Ranma kind of felt bad for these two; they really looked like they needed to succeed at a mission, if only for the sake of self-confidence. All of the sudden he heard footsteps on the rooftop, followed by a muffled "What a haul!!!"

_"Hey! That gives me an idea!"_ Ranma thought.

Turning toward Excel and Hyatt, he grinned and said "Stay right there for a second!" Ranma rushed out the door, there was the sound of a stuggle, and then Ranma came back inside with Happosai (tied up in his "bag of goodies" and about 50 pounds of chains) in tow.

"Ladies," he said as he handed them the unconcious old geezer, "here you go, one super-strong martial artist bent on destruction! I just hope you can make him behave better than we can!"

"Did you hear that, Senior! We have succeeded in our mission!!!" Hyatt exclaimed happily.

Excel was beside herself with happiness:

"Oh, thank you so much you sweet little pigtailed hero, you! When we control the city, statues will be erected in your honor as the one who helped ACROSS take its first step forward without taking a matching step back! Oh, Excel is ecstatic as this is the first time she has EVER successfully completed one of Lord Il Palazzo's tasks! OH! Surely the magnificent Il Palazzo will reward Excel greatly for this deed: perhaps with a promotion or with a monetary prize or perhaps even with his hand in marriage! WHOOHOO!!!"

"Do you mind?" Cologne complained as she brought out the mop. "You're drooling all over my floor."

"Pardon Excel!" she said sheepishly. "Well, Hatchan, shall we be going?"

"Yes, Senior. Lord Il Pallazo must be wondering what became of us."

As the two young ACROSS agents were walking out the door, they turned and bowed.

"Thanks again!" they said in unison.

"You're welcome!" the Ranma crew replied.

And so, Agents Excel and Hyatt walked out of the restaurant and into the night with Happosai in hand. The storm had gone, leaving a clear sky with the moon and stars shining brightly. As they walked away in the moonlight, two figures stepped out of the dark alleyway next to the Cat Cafe, stamps in hand. They silently walked over to a nearby telephone pole, tacked a piece of paper to it, and stamped it. It read:

"We, Koshi Rikdo and Rumiko Takahashi, give our permission for this work of a deranged mind to come to an end. Seeing as how he was a good boy and wrote a disclaimer, we won't even sue him."

The Baron Hausenpheffer and a shadowy afroed figure watched from a nearby rooftop with binoculars.

"Whew!" I said. "Looks like I can unpack those suitcases; fleeing the country and heading to my castle in the Czech Republic won't be necessary."

"Lucky for you, eh, man?" asked Nabeshin. "Still, I can't help but feel that we're forgetting something..."

------------

(An empty street in the Furinkan neighborhood, Nerima district of Tokyo, Japan)

"Hello...Is anyone out there? Pedro is still here! However, his bones are broken, so would someone please come help him out of the street? AH! CAR! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

THE END

Well, there it is: my first sizable fanfic. I got a kick out of writing it; I hope you got a kick out of reading it.

I received a review from "_PeaceLoveOcelot_", who thought that the Ranma 1/2 crew was acting kind of out of character by taking the "swallow your remorse, and save your behind" approach when it came to Hyatt's death. She is absolutely right! However, it had to be done to end this story in the way I had envisioned. As for her other question, ("What other shows could you cross Excel with?"), would you believe...Spongebob? Look for that one to appear in the "Anime-Excel Saga" section in the next month or so!

By the way (just for the record), neither Mr. Rikdo nor Ms. Takahashi gave me permission to do diddly-squat. However, since you are old enough to read, I bet you figured that one out on your own.

On to the next fanfic! Huzzah!


End file.
